So Fresh yet not So Fresh

Nothing can beat the feeling of reading old posts and having the thought of wanting to write again. Trust me I’ve been wanting to start writing again since years ago but I’ve to keep my hands on my work as degree life is just so much busier than I thought. I’ve so many commitments that sometimes I forgot to let myself having a cup of coffee and just enjoy life.

On the other hand, I still pay a visit to my favourite bloggers’ sites despite all the due dates, dramas, foul-ups and of course my 24/7 beautiful naps.

To start this fresh 2018, what can I say is I, am still being me. Still working my ass in my studies, still hoping the best in everything I do, still wanting to get out of my comfort zone, still making people I love happy, still being that friend who makes lame jokes, still left my hand dry for a long time after having my meal, still awkward with almost everyone, still overthink about things I shouldn’t and still being here, writing and sharing whatever I could—so nobody feels like they’re alone in this world, carrying big burden on their shoulder, struggling and surviving.

2017 left me with an endless profusion of crises and consequences which then I acknowledged, every cloud has a silver lining. I think I can safely use ‘optimistic’ to describe what I’ve become now. Frankly, I now tend to have positive mind-set which often yields positive outcome (well at least most of them haha). I know being over-confident kills but self-confidence deserved to be nurtured in every one of us. I’ve been surrounded with people who have guts as high as Mount Everest to take risk and challenge in any decision they made.

                                          “If you never try, you'll never know.”


I know the quote may seem like an old chestnut let alone when it’s been the simplest yet a piece-of-cake advice ones can give but if you could take a deep dive into its meaning, it certainly can change someone’s world. Nobody wants to just stay in their own zone without taking any step further, cause it’s better to take a baby step than nothing.

That’s why I hope 2017 would at least be a stepping stone for all of us to achieve whatever goals we’ve set for this year, as I believe we all have learned something from the previous year, directly or vice versa.

Desolate

To be honest, I’m really a person who devoid of talent to socialize with people. If you could gauge the extent of my socialization, it would be at the bottom. I’m not kidding. I do love hang out with bunches of people, do something boisterously insane, something memorable so I can reminisce when I practically bored or something. But then again, I prefer to just be in a small group, or maybe with someone I’m comfortable with. The thing is, it’s really hard for me to approach slash be approached by people.

I don’t really mind if people are labeling me with a loner or anti-social or whatsoever. I know myself better. I have built my circle small and I do think that I did the right thing. I mean if you have already built your circle small, you don’t have to deal with idiots and their pathetic drama in the first place. Life is too short to give your precious attention over something that is apparently not worth your time.

You might have heard this million times but allow me to remind you for another million times. People come and go. You can’t even anticipate what people’s intention once they stepped into your life. Yes, life is incontestably mystery and crazy but that’s what makes it more exciting. I guess.

There are always times where you’re surrounded with people particularly your friends but you unconsciously still feel desolate and sort of seek for attention and love. Most people always underestimate those people who likely went to most places alone as they think that these people don’t have friends or nobody wants to be friends with them. However as you grow up, I can say your perspective towards this matter could entirely change.

Life is full with distinct stages and there’s one where you have to be fully independent. You can’t even rely on someone but be capable of acting and thinking for your own self instead. Life is all about choices and you have to opt the best for the sake of your life. At the end of the day, it’s all about you.

2015

Whenever New Year approaches, I always had that moment where I will sitting alone and think how time flies. The memories throughout the year will occupy in my mind and randomly draw a smile on my face. There are a lot of good memories I made with a bunch of people who always make me happy and keep their patience high towards me and also stay beside me no matter what. Thank you so much.

2014 is not a year for me. I’ve been through ups and downs a lot which realized me how strong I am for not relying on someone.

The hardship on studies just to get a title of a graduate is really driving me crazy. I’ve no idea how people manage to further their studies on the highest level can endure the pain of studying. But I know you got nothing if you keep complaining and hoping for the gold to emerge from where you step. You better move your ass and start struggling for the sake of your future.

2014 is a year where I made a lot of friends. Thinking back on how I be friend with some people sometimes really doesn’t make sense. From the real-world friends to the social site friends. As I made a lot of friends last year I’m also lost some friends. Well people come and go. I just hate the idea of people only looking for you when they need something from you plus whenever they bored like you’re a just a freaking entertainment to them.

I have such a strong support system; my beautiful family, my one and only bff, my annoying friends and even my sleepyhead cats always lighten up my day. To be honest I’m glad I have these people in my life and I’m appreciating a lot for creating good memories with me. I just hope this 2015 can bring more happiness to us inside and outside and always under His care.

Everyone surely make their own resolutions every New Year. My resolution is always the same since I don’t think I can fully achieve it until forever. I want to be a better human being. This includes being a better son, better brother, better friend, better student, better Muslim and better person to everyone I know.

I promise to myself I’ll be much better than me last year. Hopefully.

Happy New Year.

Insecure

I’m pretty sure we’re all once felt so insecure and had low self-esteem with the way we look or size of our body. I was born with typical Asian look with skinny body and tall height (but still not too tall). My mom was from Penang so I’ve got that gene which makes my eyebrows game so strong (I swear I laugh out loud while typing this).

As a guy I admit I used to feel so insecure with this skinny body. My friends mostly have that kind of body which make them look like someone’s daddy or a bodybuilder and there’s me, who looks like a drug addict (just joking no I’m not).

It’s not like I don’t eat much or I’m on diet. If you know the real me you will know I’m the satan when it comes to food. At first it worried me a bit when I’m always starving all the time like am I a monster or what but then I realized there are lots of people out there who share the same problem with me so yeah it’s normal.

“I eat a lot but still stay skinny” is my cliché answer for anything related to my body. “Just shut up if you don’t have anything nice to ask” is the real answer in my head.

Being skinny is not a license for some people to make fun of us. Our mentality has been set since we were kids that you can’t call fat people ‘fat’ (different story for Fat Amy) but no one teaches that mocking skinny people ‘skinny’ is just same as mocking fat people ‘fat’. Just thank god i don’t care anything people said about me. My “I don’t give a fuck” game strong af.

The point is nobody’s perfect. Just because you’re flawless or you think you’re flawless doesn’t give the right for you to point out other people’s flaw. What comes around goes around. Maybe it’s not hitting you but it’s probably hitting your child. Who knows. Let’s just focus on our life as we’re only live once so the important thing is stay fit and healthy.

Faces

I take my friendships seriously so once people break my trust I’ll not going to look back. I just hate two-faced people, like seriously hate it. I can’t stand watching them treat me like an angel in front of me but act like a satan, or maybe worse than that, at my back.

It might sounds funny or nonsense or crazy to you but I do have a little respect for those people who talk bad about me in front of me than those people who talk bad at my back. And when I say a little, it’s really a little; little than money in your pocket.

However I don’t look this thing from one side. I mean in this life, whatever you do, regardless you like it or you hate it to the moon and back, there’s must at least one or two benefits you can get to your own self. In this situation, I realized that these fake people actually give some advantages to me.

First:

As I am so good at being food commentator, I am actually also have this secret talent at being good at judging a person’s acting, especially when they lie. I don’t know if it’s only me but looking at how they manage to keep that facial expression straight to me, which really different when they’re at my back really impressed me. Too bad, it’s still lying. So it’s a nope from me (simon cowell’s voice).

Second:

Everyone knows you can’t run from living in stress and frustration once you step your feet into a college life. That’s why I decided to take these people to be my clowns as my daily entertainment, watching them acting akasia in front of me. Well who’s crueller now?

It’s not hard to pretend like you don’t give a fuck about something but for sure you’ll overthink it later. Everyone overthinks at something they try to ignore and forget and that’s how people build their own depression.

I don’t need fake people in my life as it disgusts me a lot to share the same oxygen with them. If you still want to breathe, go make your own fake oxygen.

7 billion people 14 billion faces.

Argument

As a human, we’re all commit mistake. The difference is how we deal with the mistake we made. Some people easy to reflect themselves once they did wrong while some took ages for them to realize what have they done (and some choose to just ignore it and live their life. Seriously how could you do that?)

What a shame for those people who do bad thing to other people and then put their ego higher so they don’t need to ask for apologize.

I've no idea if I should say I’m lucky enough for having my ‘ability’ for not knowing how to fight or having a stupid argument with people over small matter. I do hate argument which makes someone feels good and on the right side even though they’re not and at the same time people stand behind to support and back up for them. Hell no.

It’s better to have personal talk and ask if you made someone offended and vice versa in a good way rather than reveal someone’s flaw in public.

Just in case you've an argument or fight with someone, please lower down your ego and ask for apologize. There’s no use to show how high your ego or how fucking good you’re to be a winner. You only make yourself look like an idiot. Trust me.

Grow up, be mature. Just remember, the first to apologize is the bravest, the first to forgive is the strongest and the first to forget is the happiest.

19

Sometimes I can’t accept myself for growing up too fast, leaving all the fun and the excitement of being a kid. I can’t deny I once had the thought of being so excited to grow up, being an adult, got more money, less problems, got driving licence so I can drive whenever I wanna go, doing whatever I want instead of getting stuck because of the under-18 sign like everywhere on this earth. Unfortunately all of these expectations are kinda suck.

What I expected are so different with what I go through now. Sometimes I just wish that I can go back to the time when I was still a kid and tell him to enjoy the days I was being a kid instead of dreaming to grow up fast.

I wish I can spend more time just enjoy watching ‘hey Arnold!’, just enjoy having problem of which color of crayon should I use, just enjoy talking to my own cat as I didn't have many friends before, just enjoy picking up my favorite ice-cream flavor and put it into the trolley, just enjoy reading comics, just enjoy my own life without listening to some rumors made by some bitches, just enjoy everything. Everything.

However how bad my life can be, I always remember this one quote, ‘life must go on’. The trick is easy--just keep breathing whenever shit happens to you. Just pretend that all bad things that come into your life are something precious that you can’t even buy at the flea market. Something that makes you more mature in life. Yes. Whatever it is, it’s not like all things are suck. I mean not really. But there’re two things that make me stronger since the day I was born till now.

One – you call it tree, you call it backbone, you call it universe. Whatever you call it, it’s family who always stand behind me in everything I do.

Two – I can say that people is like a rain. They come into your life, make some memories and then leave. But I’m glad for those who still stay by my side, especially at my worst, I’m honestly grateful to have friends like you guys.

As a 9 year old boy who got trap in 19 year old body, I always try to give positive vibes towards people around me. I just love making people happy especially because of me. The fact that I often commit mistakes shows how weak I am, still a normal person, just like you.  I’m that kind of people who rapidly reflect myself from the mistakes I just did but I can’t lie sometimes I still do the same mistake over and over again and I start to hate myself, even more.  To be honest I have that i-feel-bad thought in my head all the time but that’s doesn’t stop me to be good; good person, good son, good brother, good friend as one of my life’s goals is to be a better person tomorrow than I am today by learning from the mistakes of yesterday.

Destroy

18th of March and it was the first day of the 8th convocation at PTSS. I swear looking at those seniors wearing their jubah made me go a lil bit excited (no actually i'm insanely excited) to wait for my big day. I can't wait to make my parents proud of me as I'm complaining too much about my studies to my parents even though I'm still in my second semester here. Yes please laugh.


I can say that it's quite hard to survive in diploma because most students are SPM leavers which means they're from school and they're still try to fit in in this college environment. Quiz, test, presentation and final exam.

What's the funniest thing about diploma is you studied hard, not enough sleep, memorized this, memorized that, full class for the whole day, homesick *cough* and after you graduate people will be like


"There's nothing to do with diploma nowadays, even degree doesn't guarantee you a job."


So what's the point of the existence of the diploma if its not worth your sacrifice in studies and you don't get anything from it. At least you should give some moral supports and motivations. I mean more in a good way.


Yes it's really true that there's nothing to do with the diploma nowadays, same goes to degree. But after 3 to 4 years they survived in diploma, you shouldn't destroy their happiness by saying such things, seriously. Plus, there's no way to further studies straight to Phd if you don't go through the diploma first.

Whatever it is, I'm still scared if I couldn't make it for my diploma because it's quite tough and guess, I don't like the course I'm taking.